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The basics can really put you way ahead of other men when it comes to flirting. As I wrote previously, turn taking is of utmost importance. Now let’s look at the content of you are speaking!

There are rules that you’ll need to know. And as it were, most men don’t know them! Knowing them is important, as you’ll avoid much a lot of pain that goes into failed flirting.

It’s not so much the content of what you are saying, but rather the delivery and it’s tone. For example if you drone on negatively about a certain subject, you are bound to eventually drive someone off.

It’s a simple mistake, and understandable. We live in a culture that celebrates cynicism to an extent, so people tend to embrace it. Overall, a little goes a long way though. Avoid that in your conversations, as you’ll bore her and she’ll get fed up with you.

Other ways to make a conversation boring are as follows:

Preoccupation with yourself. If you talk about yourself constantly, and show no interest in others (particularly her!), you are definitely going to have a short run.

Superficiality – talking only about the banal, telling hackneyed jokes or stories. This reeks of shallowness, just like the stories.

Being tedious – Talking too slowly, pausing too long, and taking too long to make a point. This is common, as people try to appear calm and smooth in their interactions. Remember, there is always a balance.

Too passive – just refusing to take part and leaving the conversation on the other person.

Lacking in enthusiasm or interest – this would include being monotone, showing no emotion, and refusing to make eye contact. This will quickly ruin your chances.

Being too serious or somber – There are times you NEED to be serious, but you need to be able to shake that off and clown around sometimes. If you don’t do it, your conversation might abruptly end.

Too excited – you jump all over the place in the conversation, get sidetracked from the original point too easily. This will drive the other person nuts, and it’s generally a good idea to learn to reign this in.

So what IS a good thing to say? Aside from avoiding the above issues, there are a few things you can do. The first is to keep on the topic, and allow for turn taking. The second is to do your part in gauging the conversation, keep a positive attitude, and make it fun! Being fun is a huge part, and you can talk about almost anything!

Another thing to look at – compliments. They can be good, and are usually most welcome. However, you CAN go overboard. If you do, the situation is recoverable though.

If you do pay a compliment, be cautious of the nature of it. You can convey attraction without having to resort to vulgar or intrusive compliments. If you know the person, you can judge it better, but be aware of this issue.

Keeping it simple, and saying something such as “You look gorgeous”, can go a long way. Going further than this can cause offense or embarrassment. While that is not always the case, it’s a gambit that might not work out. Make sure to look her in the eyes while doing this – looking anywhere else could be potentially bad.

As well, while commenting on a woman’s appearance, remember that there is a time and place for everything. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is the timing your compliments poorly, as well as an other flirtatious overture.

Always be aware of the flirtatious overtures you are making. Sometimes it is obvious – you’d want to avoid saying something to someone who just lost a loved one, for example. But there are other times, when it’s not so obvious.

A good rule of thumb is to think about it in neutral terms. In other words, would you compliment a man in the situation? Would it seem appropriate? The same would apply if it was a woman. Keep it within those boundaries, and you’ll do fine.

While compliments are just a small part, they are important, and when used right will propel the attraction, instead of destroying it.

Pay attention to yourself during a conversation. Take notes too, if you can. Look for the rules mentioned above, and make sure to correct yourself after it happens. Eventually you’ll smooth things out.

Coming up soon, I’ll show you how listening is another important part of your conversational skills,

You have her talking now, right? Good! Here’s another important part of flirting: the act of taking turns!

Here’s a situation that is common – a guy is talking to a girl he successfully opened, and the conversation just sort of ends. The guy doesn’t know exactly why. So what happened?

It could be a bunch of things, but perhaps the most common mistake that men (and women) make is lack of recognizing the tempo of conversation, and that they need to take turns. The vocal inflection of another person will indicate WHEN it is time to talk.

Too often, people who are frightened of speaking, when finally given the chance, will tend to blabber like there is no tomorrow. Understandably so – it’s NICE to have someone paying attention to you.

But true rapport and conversation isn’t like this. And after time, a blabbermouth will eventually run people off.

In a recent article, I wrote about vocal signals, one of them being the change in intonation when finishing a sentence, indicating it’s time for the other person to speak.

I’ll say this without hesitation – you really need to learn these signals. You can be the most eloquent speaker on the planet, but if you don’t let people get a word in, you might end up despised by others.

On the opposite end of that, you can end up being worse – the guy who puts ZERO effort into any conversation, making the other person do all the talking by showing no interest.

Either of these situations is bad… and if you don’t pay attention, you might end up AS one of these guys!

So how do we avoid this? By allotting equal time for each person. You should speak the same amount of time as the other person.

Most of the time, a pause is a sufficient signal. But it isn’t always the case. In the earlier articles I wrote about in the nonverbal section, there are some nonverbal cues that will allow us to see when it’s time.

The first is eye contact – the woman might glance away while finishing the sentence. As well, there is the matter of rising and falling intonation – an intonation change will indicate, as well, that they are finished speaking. Listen also for a drop in volume at the end of the sentence – it’s the final clue.

So we have these cues: length of their turn, pause, intonation at the end of the sentence, eyes turning away at the end of the sentence, and a drop of volume. If any of these happen in combination, it’s usually a good sign that it is your turn to speak.

When you are taking turns, try to get EQUAL lengths of time between you and the other person. The end result? You will come across as a fantastic conversationalist!

Soon, I’ll write about the actual WHAT of conversations – what you should actually SAY when speaking to another person!

In the last series of articles I covered nonverbal flirting techniques, and showed the various ways we transmit our attraction without speaking. Let’s talk about words now!

First, some good news and bad news. The bad news is that women, in general, are FAR better in regards to verbal communication that men, on average.

The good news? When it comes to flirting, verbal communication makes up, at most, less than ten percent of the equation! By that I mean that, altogether, it doesn’t matter so much what you are saying.

Let’s go deeper into this though. You can blow it with words, easily. But you can also REALLY learn to communicate well with them, to the point where you can master it as well as any woman.

The key is to learn to the unwritten rules governing verbal communication. By obeying these rules, you will appear to be more spontaneous, as your conversations will run smoother, but it will take practice.

Think of the situation as trying to learn how to drive a stick shift. You might switch gears poorly at first, as expected. But after awhile, it becomes far more smooth and seems automatic.

If you practice, you will also gain a huge advantage over those that don’t try and learn the rules of communication. Most don’t realize the importance, which is a shame, as they tend to sabotage and frustrate themselves.

The rules are pretty simple, and they govern certain areas. Let’s look at the first area, which happens to be, perhaps, the MOST difficult of all of the areas for men – the opening line.

OPENERS:

I’m sure you’ve been in this situation before: You see a pretty girl, and start walking over to her, then FREEZE when you realize that you have NOTHING to say to her!

It’s frustrating, to say the least.

Well, here’s some good news. What I wrote earlier about the nonverbal part being more important than the verbal part of flirting? It still holds true here.

In fact, the best general opener is, often times, lines that can easily be recognized as openers!

Say if you just were to say “Nice weather we are having, huh?” It’s pretty obvious what you are up to. Now, if the other party is interested, the response should be positive regardless.

This can help take some pressure off you, and give you an idea of how to interpret your success. By trying to be clever, or indirect, you might just wasting time on trying to pull off a great “performed” opener.

How you say the opener will once again ring as more important than the content. If you intone the weather question as a true interrogative, well, that might just sound funny. Stating it as a statement is far more direct and shows assuredness.

The response will let you know how successful you were. It sounds elementary, but it always begs questions. Positive, open responses show that she wants to continue. One word, monotone answers don’t bode well. No answer is worse. If you get those, move on.

Making a comment about the weather is useful for outdoors. If you are inside, find something that you can make a comment about. Use your imagination for this. Is it hot in there? Crowded? Empty? Simple observations are easy enough.

Essentially, you want to make an observation about what is going on, etc.. Now, this isn’t the only way to open, but from experience I can tell you it’s fairly easy and doesn’t require you to pull off a joke. For more variations on how to do this, be sure to check out my website.

It’s also quite standard. People know it and are used to such a thing. It’s not intrusive or threatening so it can easily. It’s not demanding either – it allows the woman a way out.

Now, if you were to pose it as actually demanding an answer, like “What do you make of this weather?”, it puts her a bit on the spot. She doesn’t want to be rude, nor does she want to e roped in. And that question demands an in depth answer, so essentially that is what you are doing.

Some social contexts allow for more variations – a sporting event is an example, as well as hobbies, business, school. You can comment on those things, asking the woman what she thinks of the situation, the team, etc.. Just use the interrogative formula above, and it becomes rather easy.

The varying answers to the question indicate how she is responding to you. The positive response, nonverbally, will be coupled with some verbal cues: personalization, length of response, and questioning.

With length, watch to see how long a response you get from her – if it’s the same length or longer, that’s a good sign. Shorter, coupled with negative body language, is generally bad.

In personalization, she’ll use the word “I” or “me” in the sentence, is another good sign – such as “Yes, I think they’ll win it all this year.” is good – she’s willing to engage in the line of questioning.

On top of the personalization, she might respond with it, AND in the interrogative form. This is saying “please continue to talk”. For example, if asked about the weather, she might say “It is dreary! I thought it would clear up by the afternoon. What have you heard?” This is a wonderful sign, as she’s fully engaged with you.

Most of the time, when such an exchange happens, people dismiss it as just a polite exchange, when in fact it can be so much more. It’s a friendly invitation to open conversation – and by knowing this, you’ll have that leg up from the other guys out there that I mentioned!

The above lines have nothing clever about them. Very simple, time tested and effective. So what about other lines you see bandied about? They ARE useful, but also advanced. They rely on you being able to gauge her response correctly, which takes time. As I mentioned before, check my website for more information on the usage of such lines.

One mistake to avoid: opening up the conversation with some sort of flirtation. It’ll come across as a cheesy line and that’s not good!

Observe the effects that these simple opening sentences have on women. After awhile it will become easy!