May 08 2009
How To Flirt With A Silver Tongue: For Men, Part 2
Tagged Under : Advice, approaching women, Dating, Dating Advice, how to meet women, Lifestyle, Love, meet women, Men's Health, Men's Interest, Men's Issues, relationships, Sex, Sexuality
You have her talking now, right? Good! Here’s another important part of flirting: the act of taking turns!
Here’s a situation that is common – a guy is talking to a girl he successfully opened, and the conversation just sort of ends. The guy doesn’t know exactly why. So what happened?
It could be a bunch of things, but perhaps the most common mistake that men (and women) make is lack of recognizing the tempo of conversation, and that they need to take turns. The vocal inflection of another person will indicate WHEN it is time to talk.
Too often, people who are frightened of speaking, when finally given the chance, will tend to blabber like there is no tomorrow. Understandably so – it’s NICE to have someone paying attention to you.
But true rapport and conversation isn’t like this. And after time, a blabbermouth will eventually run people off.
In a recent article, I wrote about vocal signals, one of them being the change in intonation when finishing a sentence, indicating it’s time for the other person to speak.
I’ll say this without hesitation – you really need to learn these signals. You can be the most eloquent speaker on the planet, but if you don’t let people get a word in, you might end up despised by others.
On the opposite end of that, you can end up being worse – the guy who puts ZERO effort into any conversation, making the other person do all the talking by showing no interest.
Either of these situations is bad… and if you don’t pay attention, you might end up AS one of these guys!
So how do we avoid this? By allotting equal time for each person. You should speak the same amount of time as the other person.
Most of the time, a pause is a sufficient signal. But it isn’t always the case. In the earlier articles I wrote about in the nonverbal section, there are some nonverbal cues that will allow us to see when it’s time.
The first is eye contact – the woman might glance away while finishing the sentence. As well, there is the matter of rising and falling intonation – an intonation change will indicate, as well, that they are finished speaking. Listen also for a drop in volume at the end of the sentence – it’s the final clue.
So we have these cues: length of their turn, pause, intonation at the end of the sentence, eyes turning away at the end of the sentence, and a drop of volume. If any of these happen in combination, it’s usually a good sign that it is your turn to speak.
When you are taking turns, try to get EQUAL lengths of time between you and the other person. The end result? You will come across as a fantastic conversationalist!
Soon, I’ll write about the actual WHAT of conversations – what you should actually SAY when speaking to another person!
